Blew It!!
Alright...pet is still turning over what You said earlier. pet needs a new light or something because nothing is happening in her head.
pet thinks perhaps maybe she is too deeply thinking about the entire situation. While she tried to hide something from Master, she does realize the ramifications of such things. Especially as it relates to her Master and her growing D/s relationship with him.
pet was able to spend 2 divine hours with Master. Divine, stress alleviating hours with her Beloved. As she longed for Master's touch, You touched her and shared your positive energy with her. You alleviated wound-up, too-tight muscles in her shoulders...tried to work knots out...some more stubborn than others. We talked about so many things...including Your new Hello Shitty character, stresses, frustrations, my ongoing struggle with dh, and about things in general.
pet presented, submissively and lovingly Master's new riding crop. While it is not of the same quality of the one used early in the month, it does seem like it will eventually serve a purpose. pet enjoyed the few strokes of that crop today. She longed for more.
As we left, pet was most desirous of a kiss...which Master obliged...to be confronted with something she was hiding. A secret she felt would never be found since it was not a habit or something she did on daily basis. The once in a great while cigarillo or cigarette. Master despises smoking and hates the smell of it. It is most harmful. Despite brushing, etc...the taste was still on her tongue.
To be faced with such a thing, ashamed, knowing how Master hates such things...pet tried to hide it. Master knows all. There is no sense in hiding anything from Him.
pet will never make such a mistake again. pet will control her urges and not seek immediate gratification of what she thinks she wants.
Master has always wanted the best for pet. Master has never asked anything of her that would harm her and would surely never accept anything of such a destructive nature for his pet. Master does not ever say He loves her but all he wants for her and asks of her comes from love. Comes from the love and adoration of his pet.
As of now, pet feels at a loss. Her heart aches. pet knows not where she stands with her Beloved Master. He has yet to communicate with her on this hearty matter. pet is aware she completely messed up and despite every good effort, found it most difficult to remain completely focused at work. Thankfully she isn't anyone that has to be in the operating room or anything on the weekends or even on a regular basis. However, had she been in the operating room, it would have been good to be totally and completely pulled out of her head. Just so she would not be able to think on or dwell on the ending of a bonding time with her Beloved Master.
pet ruined a moment that could have been and should have been an intimate and deeply passionate kiss. For what?...a cigarillo. Was it worth it? No. Not ever. Never will be. pet cannot justify her actions and there is no excuse.
pet is remorseful, regretful, and sorry. She desires only that her Master can forgive her.
pet feels like while her consideration does not ride on eggshells...it still is built on and based on trust. This makes pet most sad because she simply feels as if she has destroyed that trust.
pet hides things she is most ashamed of. Hence the reason Master has not been provided with all the information of her past. She is ashamed and sorry.
Be that as it may, she said she could not continue to keep beating herself up over it. Yet, she continues to do so. She is distressed and there is an unsettled, restless storm in her heart and mind. pet feels like she set back any potential collaring for a long time. As if it was ever within her reach anyway.
pet is sorry Master.
Please forgive Your pet.
One of Master's messages was that pet needs to figure out how to make it up to her Master. She spent 2 hours with You today...and a light would go on in my head when pet figured it out. pet has went over every part of the conversation...from the beginning to the painful end. She has nothing.
pet thinks perhaps maybe she is too deeply thinking about the entire situation. While she tried to hide something from Master, she does realize the ramifications of such things. Especially as it relates to her Master and her growing D/s relationship with him.
pet was able to spend 2 divine hours with Master. Divine, stress alleviating hours with her Beloved. As she longed for Master's touch, You touched her and shared your positive energy with her. You alleviated wound-up, too-tight muscles in her shoulders...tried to work knots out...some more stubborn than others. We talked about so many things...including Your new Hello Shitty character, stresses, frustrations, my ongoing struggle with dh, and about things in general.
pet presented, submissively and lovingly Master's new riding crop. While it is not of the same quality of the one used early in the month, it does seem like it will eventually serve a purpose. pet enjoyed the few strokes of that crop today. She longed for more.
As we left, pet was most desirous of a kiss...which Master obliged...to be confronted with something she was hiding. A secret she felt would never be found since it was not a habit or something she did on daily basis. The once in a great while cigarillo or cigarette. Master despises smoking and hates the smell of it. It is most harmful. Despite brushing, etc...the taste was still on her tongue.
To be faced with such a thing, ashamed, knowing how Master hates such things...pet tried to hide it. Master knows all. There is no sense in hiding anything from Him.
pet will never make such a mistake again. pet will control her urges and not seek immediate gratification of what she thinks she wants.
Master has always wanted the best for pet. Master has never asked anything of her that would harm her and would surely never accept anything of such a destructive nature for his pet. Master does not ever say He loves her but all he wants for her and asks of her comes from love. Comes from the love and adoration of his pet.
As of now, pet feels at a loss. Her heart aches. pet knows not where she stands with her Beloved Master. He has yet to communicate with her on this hearty matter. pet is aware she completely messed up and despite every good effort, found it most difficult to remain completely focused at work. Thankfully she isn't anyone that has to be in the operating room or anything on the weekends or even on a regular basis. However, had she been in the operating room, it would have been good to be totally and completely pulled out of her head. Just so she would not be able to think on or dwell on the ending of a bonding time with her Beloved Master.
pet ruined a moment that could have been and should have been an intimate and deeply passionate kiss. For what?...a cigarillo. Was it worth it? No. Not ever. Never will be. pet cannot justify her actions and there is no excuse.
pet is remorseful, regretful, and sorry. She desires only that her Master can forgive her.
pet feels like while her consideration does not ride on eggshells...it still is built on and based on trust. This makes pet most sad because she simply feels as if she has destroyed that trust.
pet hides things she is most ashamed of. Hence the reason Master has not been provided with all the information of her past. She is ashamed and sorry.
Be that as it may, she said she could not continue to keep beating herself up over it. Yet, she continues to do so. She is distressed and there is an unsettled, restless storm in her heart and mind. pet feels like she set back any potential collaring for a long time. As if it was ever within her reach anyway.
pet is sorry Master.
Please forgive Your pet.
One of Master's messages was that pet needs to figure out how to make it up to her Master. She spent 2 hours with You today...and a light would go on in my head when pet figured it out. pet has went over every part of the conversation...from the beginning to the painful end. She has nothing.
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