Notes from a Master - SoCalPex Presentation Notes

These are my notes from the SoCalPex presentation last week. Master Jeff spoke to a rather large group about the things he has learned. These are from my note cards as written during the lecture.

The lecture was most insightful. The Master that was presenting is well educated and spoke eloquently from his life experience as a Master.

Master Jeff's Lecture/Presentation – What He Has Learned
Notes from SoCalPex

1. Master is ultimately responsible. Master’s primary responsibility is communication with clarity and directness. Master is ultimately responsible for everything – good or bad. Master must own this. Master may not be the direct cause of pain or injury, but if Master does not intervene it is still his responsibility.
2. Subs are not self-trained. If Master is not providing training, the end result is his own fault. Master/sub is not a dynamic of equals. If Master doesn’t like the sub he has, it’s a disservice to the sub. Flexibility is needed. Master will get best training from a sub he has the most time with. Best training comes from most time. More time, more training, better reinforcement. Delay in reinforcement will result in poor results from the sub which is ultimately the Master’s responsibility. Not making swift correction is training for the negative. “If you choose not to decide, you have made a choice.”
3. Master must never me complacent.
   Complacency = death. To avoid being complacent there must be daily reinforcement otherwise the construct is disturbed. This is through daily rituals, but these rituals must not become common place. Value must be added daily. Master must not shirk his responsibilities. Sub must constantly look for ways to add value to the dynamic. Master must also add value to the sub.
4. Master with poly house, must have an alpha or primary sub and it must be made known to all parties involved. The alpha/primary must have all the dimensions or qualities as Master needs them to be. The alpha/primary is the sub the Master spends the most time with. This sub must always look out for the Master’s best interests and obviously must be on his side.
5. Master must have “soft skills” to keep the dynamic working right. Must be more into the mental aspects and not just play.
6. Master must be careful and wary about getting into someone’s head.
   There is never a “no strings attached” situation when you get into someone’s head.
   Master must be careful when playing with someone’s energy or getting into their head and expect to walk away. You walk away, a mess is created.
7. If the sub doesn’t fit, doesn’t mean she is a bad sub.
   If a sub is not fitting into your dynamic, it just isn’t a good fit. Doesn’t mean she is a bad sub. She is just bad for you or your organization. Part as friends and move on.
   Master cannot want something for someone else if they themselves don’t want it.
   Master can use his power and position to change someone’s life. What a sub must consider is if Master is asking you to do something unreasonable.
8. Master must make decisions based on rationality and not emotion.
9. Master can love his sub.
   If Master is in a situation where he loves his sub more than the sub loves him, there is am imbalance and therefore a problem.
10. Why would Master marry a perfectly good sub? Why not? (Master Jeff married his slave.)
11. If Master doesn’t do right, it will cause pain and conflict in others’ lives.
    Know your sub’s personality. Various personality and strength tests are available online.
12. Master must not set someone up to fail.
    If things are not working out. It’s alright to just part ways.

Side notes from my note cards:

Everyone can tell you what’s wrong about you. Master should be/would be good at telling you what is RIGHT about you.

Own your own mistakes. For instance, if during a scene something goes horribly wrong resulting in someone’s headspace getting fouled and there is no way to apologize then accept it. Let go, move on.

Master must take responsibility for emotional fallout. (I believe this was during a discussion about scenes not going right. Master Jeff talked a little about the mental space that people go when in a scene – subspace, subdrop.) Master must care for his sub in these instances because a poor result from improper care is ultimately the responsibility of the Master.

People go through many years of marriage without every talking about the hard topics. Things get swept under the rug and ignored. In D/s relationships they have to be pulled out and addressed.

Adding value – support of personal/professional goals or things that add value to the person.

Master must be observant and intuitive. Master should push sub to do the things she may not otherwise do for herself or on her own. Master must keep expectations high and be an example for his sub. (i.e. If Master is fat, he isn’t setting an example for his sub if he is telling her she needs to lose weight)